It’s the same every year. OMG. Shit. Freakin’ heck. What happened? The year is over? We’re entering a new year? Huh? What? Hmm? Yikes! Say it ain’t so!
But it really is so. I’m sorry to be the one that breaks it to you, but another year has indeed passed, and the new one is standing on your doorstep as we speak, asking you to let it in from the cold. And it really is could out. It always is, in Oslo this time of year.
The new year is not going to go away. You can ignore it’s resilient knock on your door, you may stick your head in the sand (or snow), but in the end, you will have no choice but to open the door to this stranger. The new year pushes it’s presence onto you like a TV licence man (or woman), a Jehova’s witnesses missionary or a vacuum cleaner salesman with bad breath.
You will have to let the new year into your warm living room, and I recommend you put the kettle on, because it is here to stay. Do not presume a hostile attitude, you will only be shooting yourself in the foot. Take it from me, I’ve been there, and my foot is still aching to this day. Go on, put your smile on, make an effort – dig out that positive attitude that your mother insisted would get you further in life. Then, and only then, may you have a chance of fulfilling those hairy dreams of yours in the year to come. Only then might you be able to achieve your goal of going to the gym at least 3 times a week on a regular basis, only then will you stand a chance of kicking that nasty smoking habit of yours and taking up reading again – all last year’s new year’s resolutions that you did not have time to fulfill, trying again this year. Standing there, sipping bubbles on somebody’s veranda with a view, gazing at the fireworks, you silently reassure yourself that this year, THIS YEAR, you will do it. This year will be different. This year you are ready for it. Because the thought that this year will trot along the exact same way as last year, way too fast, and without any major changes in your life, is more than you can bear right now, you think to yourself, clinging even tighter to your half empty glass of champagne. After all, you just spent christmas holiday with your in-laws yet again, and you need a holiday to recover from the holiday. No, this year has to be better, or at least different. You are painfully aware that you will be turning 40 in fewer years than you can count on one hand, and quite frankly, it scares the s*** out of you.
You need to move forward this year. You need SOMETHING to HAPPEN. You will bravely embark on the journey of becoming the perfect you, or, at least, the most perfect you that you can become. Because God knows there is potential, in fact, there’s so much potential, you don’t even know where to start. How about cutting sugar from your diet? And no more chocolate cake every time you manage to come up with an excuse (which is about as often as you change your socks). Or, starting to walk to work instead of taking the bus. Except when it rains, of course, or snows. Or drizzles. Or when it’s -5 degrees or less (almost every day in this town). But on ALL of the other days, you WILL walk on your feet to work and burn off a heck of a lot of calories and soon you will look like Kate Moss’s prettier little sister.
But that’s next year. Far, far off into the future. Tonight you are going to celebrate New Year’s eve, and you will do it properly! The glass is still half full, you got your ultimate party dress on, the make-up is concealing the worst wrinkles – go on, party like it’s 2014!
In fact, you know what? Screw it all together! You didn’t manage to go to the gym 3 times a week all year (you have a faint memory that you might have attended a spinning class once, but blacked out half way through), so chances are slim that you will be able to make it this year. End the gym membership and do something you enjoy. Like getting dance classes, or making home made confectionary for friends and “accidentally” eating it all yourself. No, you won’t be perfect this year, either. So kick your new year’s resolutions, and just be happy. (Except that smoking habit – it stinks, cut it out.)
Now go party and have a happy new year!